The Trouble With Evan

I walk into class at 9am only to find that we are going to be watching a movie in class. At first I wasn't sure how I felt about this. After a few moments of thinking I came to the conclusion that a movie was definitely a good thing, for one reason only, I would be able to take a 2 hour nap. As the teacher was giving us an outline of the movie I was fluffing my winter jacket to make the perfect pillow. Unfortunately for me, the movie wasn't the type that one could sleep through. Let's just say that I spent the following 2 hours with tears streaming down my face. The movie was a documentary by the Fifth Estate made in 1994 'The Trouble with Evan'. Evan was an 11 year old boy who lived with his mother, stepfather, and 6year old sister, Kimberly.. He was caught stealing, lying, bullying his peers and even putting paint in his teacher's coffee. His parents wanted to know why he was acting up like this so they allowed the Fifth Estate to put camera's in their home and observe them in their daily lives. What the video captured was shocking, absolutely horrifying. His parents didn't know how to deal with Evan's behaviour so they resorted to screaming and threatening. If something was missing or broken they would sit Evan down and scream at him for at least an hour before they even knew forsure Evan was responsible for it. One morning his mother counted all the change she kept in a jar on the counter. That evening when she came home she recounted and noticed a dime was missing. She called Evan down into the kitchen and her and her husband screamed at him for over and hour. Evan claimed to have not taken any money, they just kept on calling him a liar. It turns out the mother miscounted the change in the jar and there was no money missing. She did apologize to Evan for her mistake. The next day she accused him of stealing her key to her bedroom. Evan again denied it and again another hour long lecture. Later in the evening his mother found her key. "It dropped from the sky," she said. Evan was continually verbally and physically abused by his parents. The house was complete and utter chaos. I can't even begin to explain how awful it was. I wanted to jump out of my seat and strangle Evan's parents. It's no wonder Evan acts the way he does! Are they blind? His parents decided to take a parenting course. The course offered many strategies on how to deal with a difficult child. They decided to give some a try. These strategies worked for a few weeks. Evan's behaviour seemed to be getting better. His parents were learning how to deal with him efficiently! After a few weeks Evan was caught stealing a pack of cigarettes from his stepdad. His stepdad couldn't take anymore. He completely blew up. His parents sat him down in the kitchen and told him that they decided he was no longer a part of the family, they were through dealing with him. He was allowed to live in their home but they would have nothing to do with him. He could go to school if he wanted to, but he didn't have to. He was allowed to eat, but he had to make his own food and was no longer to eat with everyone else. He was not allowed to go on vacation with them. The front door was locked at 9 and if he wasn't home by then he would have to find somewhere else to stay for the night. The list goes on. At one point his mother was so stressed out she left the kids with their step father and drove to Mexico and stayed there for a few months. During this time his stepfather went to court and received full custody of the children. When their mother came back she wanted to leave her husband but now that he had full custody of her children she felt she was forced to stay with him. She became to depressed she drove her van into a bridge hoping to die. Fortunately she did live through the accident. Now of course all of these problems in the family MUST be Evan's fault. As the movie went on we discovered that Evan's stepdad was abused as a young boy so it was the only way he knew how to raise a child. He began to cry as he talked about is childhood. I could not help but feel sorry for him. If only he could realize all the pain he is feeling because of his father, he is passing down to Evan. Once the movie was aired on television Evan and his sister were immediately removed from the home and placed into foster care.

Evan was only 11. As Evan grows up and has children of his own he is likely to raise them the same way he was raised. Now that you know his story, you'd feel sorry for him right? At what point in the child's life is it when people stop feeling compassion for them? When they turn 15? 20? 40? When he 35 and is abusing his children, no one feels sorry for him then. After thinking about this I came to the conclusion that I don't want to strangle Evan's parents. I feel sorry for them if anything.

When I decided to become a CYW I don't think I knew exactly what I was going to be getting into. I knew I was going to be working with abused children. It is one thing to hear that a child has been abused and a totally different thing to actually see the child being abused. The look on Evan's face broke my heart. He had become to accustomed to the abuse he had no emotion on his face. He just sat back and took the abuse, when his parents were finished with him he would just go up to his room and go to bed. He seemed so lifeless. He became severely depressed, which is what caused his bad behaviour.

AHH I just want these next few years to pass so I can get out there and just give all of the Evan's a giant hug.

GIRLS = EVIL

I found this picture funny so I thought I'd share it with you...not that I agree with the concept because I never cost any boy a penny :) Although I do agree that girls are evil...but for a reason completely different. I like to call that reason gossip.
All my life I’ve grown up in a family where the boys outnumber the girls by far. Well, I guess when I say ‘by far’ I really mean by one…but you catch the drift. I’m used to the things guys do whether it be chewing food with their mouths open or just randomly punching someone in the arm. It wasn’t until recently that I moved in with 7 girls. I know you’re all cringing at the thought, but it really isn’t as bad as it sounds. The house I live in is 3 floors, with 2 kitchens and 3 bathrooms so we’re all spread apart so we don’t get into each others’ space too often, but it’s definitely taking some getting used to. Slowly but surely I’m learning to love it here.
I was sitting on the bus last week on my way to school and I overheard a conversation between two girls. It pretty much consisted of “She said this” “He said that” “She’s a B*tch” “Did you hear what this person did”…etc. I sat there in utter shock. I could not believe the way they were talking about other people. Do girls really gossip that much? I decided to put it to the test…oh I can just see you now sitting on the edge of your chair, biting your lip because you’re just 'OH SO EXCITED' for what comes next…haha :)
So let’s get back to the ‘me living with 7 girls’. I decided I was going to pay special attention to the conversations going on in our house. I noticed that approximately 90% of our conversations revolved around ‘gossip’. Whether it be an issue that someone had with another person living in our house, someone at school, or even a friend back home. Gossip happens. What’s worse is that I found myself taking part in it. Sometimes I disgust myself. Ok, so now that I know that I’m saying things I probably shouldn’t be saying…how do I know that everyone else isn’t talking trash about me. Oh, the vicious circle!
God, help me…